NEW MUSIC FOR OLDS #53
A collection of cautionary tales
Greetings, friend.
I’m currently afflicted with something known as Covid-19. Please keep that front-of-mind while reading today’s newsletter—every typo, syntax error and poorly worded sentence can be attributed to a diseased mind.
Instead of judging, how about spending that energy in prayerful gratitude that I have struggled through a mild fever and snot-filled nose to bring you Jem and the Holograms clips?
Let’s get cracking, so I can take today’s first nippy-nap.
GOOD STUFF
I’m going to stop posting the Glossary of Terms every week. But reminder: “Voltage” measures how aggressive a song is, not how much I like it. If I’m including a song in this section, assume I’m fully onboard.
Waxahatchee, “Lone Star Lake”
Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music
Album: Tigers Blood
Nutshell: Alt Country/Indie rock
Voltage: 5
Thoughts: Prime roadtripping music. Pick just about any song on Tigers Blood and imagine you and your favorite so-and-so cruising through the countryside around dusk. Like all Waxahatchee albums, I wish the playing was a bit looser (give me just one drum fill!), but maybe that’s why Kate Crutchfield’s songs sound so confident and lived-in. Her melodies feel like they’re written with a big fat permanent marker.
Pairing Suggestion: Dropping the sun visor
Ibibio Sound Machine, “Pull the Rope”
Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music
Album: Pull the Rope
Nutshell: Intercontinental disco funk
Voltage: 7
Thoughts: Way back in NMFO #4 I described Ibibio Sound Machine as “Fruit salad for your ears” and I 100% stand by that assessment! simple Here’s a NMFO guarantee: by the end of “Pull the Rope”, you will be making what can only be described as The Stankface. An instantly memorable chorus, a funky bassline, punchy horns and a delightful assortment of bleeps and bloops. Class solidarity rarely grooves this hard!
Pairing Suggestion: Getting freaky at the rally
Horse Jumper of Love, “Gates of Heaven”
Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music
Album: Gates of Heaven (single)
Nutshell: Indie rock
Voltage: 7
Thoughts: Another NMFO Approved Artist, Horse Jumper of Love is one of those bands that I like to imagine is making music specifically for me. “Gates of Heaven” reminds me of that quote most often attributed to George Carlin, “If you scratch a cynic, you’ll find a disappointed idealist”. It feels someone ground to a nub, but who can’t help but let a bit of beauty poke through. And just when it feels like HJoL is about to take things up a notch, the song comes to an abrupt halt. At first it bothered me, but now I think more songs should quit on themselves.
Pairing Suggestion: Re-reading breakup letters
I’m valid, right? You guys like me? Did I mention I have Covid?
SOME BULLSHIT
Well slap a thermometer out of my mouth, it’s…
NMFO FICTIONAL BAND MADNESS, Pt. IV
Today, our final quadrant: Animation, puppetry and parody.
“But wait!” you shout, spittle dripping down your chin. “Didn’t the Television Round feature Girls5Eva and 2Gether, two obvious parodies? Huh? HUH?”
Settle down, person I’ve invented. Consistency is for oatmeal. HERE, I AM LORD AND MASTER.
Sorry, that was the Sudafed talking.
Division: CARTOON/PARODY
The Vegas Buzz: Hmm, one of the greatest films of all time versus a 1999 straight-to-video Scooby Doo thing no one who reads this newsletter is young enough to have seen. Should be a barnburner.
The Vegas Buzz: I never cared for Archie and/or his gang, but “Sugar Sugar” is an all-timer and I do enjoy a good “whoopee cap”. “Doug” was after my time, but it strikes me as gentle and charming. I’m going to start a rumor that this is Liam Gallagher.
The Vegas Buzz: Sid & Marty Kroft taught us about drugs, but The Muppets gave us actual druggies. Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem was basically a collection of cautionary tales, from LSD (Floyd) to heroin (Janice) to cocaine (Animal)1.. I’m reasonably certain you can picture that. Not sure why “G.I. Joe” had to go after the New Wave of British Heavy Metal like this, but Cold Slither is a kick-ass name.
The Vegas Buzz: There is a specific breed of guy who will be very upset if The Rutles doesn’t win. Ironically, that same guy is also extremely horny for Daria. A mystikal spiral indeed…
The Vegas Buzz: I should re-watch Walk Hard, instead of just youtubing the Beatles scene for the 50th time (I often find myself muttering “guhrate recouerd” to no one in particular). Hard to represent the entirety of "Mr. Show” with just one band. Titanica and Wyckyd Sceptre are better sketches, but TTOMO is the one that’s musically funny2.
The Vegas Buzz: It’s weird that I’ve never watched a full episode of “Metalocalypse”, right? On the surface, it couldn’t be more up my alley. Still, I hesitate. Someone convince me! I haven’t seen CB4 in decades, but I remember laughing really hard at “I’m Black, Y’all”.
The Vegas Buzz: I can’t get over the feeling that any adult man who loves the Powerpuff Girls should be on an FBI watchlist. I’m sure that’s unfair, but what can I say—my subconscious is a hack. I’m not a South Park superfan, but wherever you have Cartman on your list of all time greatest TV characters, it’s probably too low.
The Vegas Buzz: Jem and the Holograms is what Gen Z think the Eighties actually was. Our entire childhood, reduced to a vibe! As for Jem’s opponent, I make a simple request: if you haven’t seen Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping, rectify that immediately. Style Boyz for life.
Daddy sleepy now. Time go bye bye. Wish me sweet dreams.
As always, I thank you for your support.
Dr. Teeth was the clearly the dealer. Manipulative svengali type.
Bob and David are trying to have it both ways here, racially speaking. But that’s a thinkpiece for another day!
Pitting Walk Hard against Mr. Show was cruel
2004 me would have absolutely loved that HJOL song, but now it just sound slightly out of tune? The Waxahatchee is solid, though.