NEW MUSIC FOR OLDS #62

I am just as God made me, sir

Aug 02, 2024

Greetings, dear reader.

Look, let’s address the elephant sweating in the room: it’s fucking disgusting outside. So you’ll forgive me if I get right down to it. I’m sure this thing is typo-ridden, so I can only beg your forgiveness. My brain, she is fried.

In store for you on this repulsively sticky August day:

A musical affirmation!
My love language!
One of the best tunes of 2024!
Plus, the eleven best cameos in This is Spinal Tap!

NOTE: The back half of this newsletter is almost entirely photos, so don’t freak out if Gmail makes you click through to get to the end. This will be a breeze, I promise. And we could all use a breeze today.

Let us begin.

Berlioz, “open this wall”

Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music

Album: Open this Wall (out now)
Nutshell: Jazz house
Voltage: 3
Thoughts: I’m not one for mantras. I don’t “manifest”, and my thoughts rarely become things. Lord knows I try, but the power of positive thinking trips my internal breaker. Paradoxically, I’m quite drawn to people who are able to pull this off naturally. Not bullshit peddlers like Tony Robbins, but kind people whose are aligned with the the universe. That’s how this piece by UK-based composer/producer Berlioz strikes me, as if I’m basking in the refracted light of someone who has their shit figured out. Sure, it’s the literal spoken word affirmations. But I also hear it in how the sax noodling on top of these warm piano chords. It makes me feel like everything is going to be okay. Who knows, stranger shit has happened.
Pairing Suggestion: De-cluttering

Lo-Fi Ho Hum, “Boundaries”

Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music

Album: Garage Pop (E.P., out now)
Nutshell: Power pop
Voltage: 6
Thoughts: For only the second time in the storied history of this very important newsletter, I’m featuring a song submitted by an NMFO reader! I’m always wary of submissions (the awkwardness potential is high), but this Ft. Collins outfit specializes in my love language: four-on-the-floor power pop. “Boundaries” and “Never Been in Love”, the two tracks I’ve spent time with, both evoke my beloved Superdrag—trust me, this is my highest form of praise! In the end, this tune won out, based on the wisdom of my central nervous system—even after a couple dozen plays, I instinctively start thumb-tapping the moment the drums kick in. Like all good power pop, “Boundaries” is a trifle in the best possible way. Bouncy, high energy fun.
Pairing Suggestion: Hopping in place, ready for beer #3

Hello Mary, “Three”

Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music

Album: Emita Ox (out 9/13)
Nutshell: Alt-rock
Voltage: 7
Thoughts: I was going to hold off on this one until Hello Mary’s third album is released next month, but my ears won’t let me! Finnegan completists will recall that I wrote about this NYC trio back in NMFO #27. This newsletter is a diary of my personal listening habits, but I do try not to write about the same bands over and over. My guiding principle: is this song substantially better than the one I already wrote about? In this case, the answer is a resounding YUUUUUP. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time a band took such an impressive leap over the course of one album cycle. The dynamic range! The shuffling beat! The harmonies! This is like the JV point guard growing eight inches over the summer and dunking on everyone’s head.
Pairing Suggestion: One of those dreams where you’re completely lost, but somehow you know it’s okay

Chubby kid in the back wants no part of this

What say you?

In the words of Judge Smails: Well?? We’re waiting…

SOME BULLSHIT

Folks, it’s been a long and winding road, but we finally made it.

NMFO Fictional Band Madness: The End-ening

In a shocking turn of events that will surprise absolutely no one, the winner of NMFO Fictional Band Madness is…

Out of the emptiness, sal-va-tion (salvation!)

In case you need a reminder of how we got here…

With that, we bring this long, semi-tedious tournament to a close. But before we relegate this endeavor to the dustbin of history, let’s count down…

THE TOP ELEVEN SPINAL TAP CAMEOS

11. Howard Hessman (rival manager)

A brief appearance by the man I knew as Johnny Fever, with one great line: “We’d love to stand around and chat, but we gotta sit down in the lobby and wait for the limo.”

10. Angelica Huston (Stonehenge set designer)

I think what I like about this cameo is how completely straight its played. She doesn’t have one “joke”. I always have to remind myself, “Oh right, she’s a major celebrity.”

9. Wonderful Smith (Cleveland janitor)

Another underplayed winner, to the extent that I always assumed this guy was an actual maintenance man. My friends at Google have informed me that, in addition to having an all-time great name, Wonderful Smith was a popular radio comedian of the 1930’s and 40’s.

8. Billy Crystal (Mime caterer)

As a teenager, “Mime is money” was one of my favorite lines. As an adult, it feels too overtly “jokey” (NOTE: The same could be said for Billy Crystal, in general.)

7. Fran Drescher (Bobbi Flekman)

Growing up in Massachusetts, I was led to believe that every single person in New York City sounded like this. In reality, this type of New Yorker moved to Long Island long before I got here.

6. Ed Begley (Drummer, “Gimme Some Money”)

I hate the phrase “rent free”. But I often find myself, for no particular reason, thinking about Ed Begley Jr’s weird little shoulder shrug. It tortures me.

5. Paul Benedict (Hotel manager)

There was a kid in my elementary school class who had it particularly rough, in terms of bullying. Whenever someone went at him, he’d put on a brave face and reply, “You’re about as sharp as a bowling ball!” It was not…an effective deterrent. That’s how “I am just as god made me, sir” strikes me—like a lame retort passed down from your mom. “When the other kids make fun of you, just hold your head up high and say: I am just as god made me!”

4. Fred Willard (Air Force Lt. Bob Hookstratten)

“I’m joking, of course.”

3. Bruno Kirby (Tommy the limo driver)

Have you ever been unhappy to see Bruno Kirby? Even once? Dude was a delight each and every time he popped up onscreen. Kirby was only 57 when he passed, a factoid that definitely won’t depress the hell out of you. BTW, here’s a fun scene that was cut from the final film.

2. Paul Schaffer (Artie Fufkin)

My love of this scene has curdled over the years. As a teen, it was just funny to see the-guy-from-Letterman say “Kick this ass!” Good, wholesome fun. After an adulthood spent in the performing arts, watching this scene is now a form of self-mutilation. I’ve been on the Spinal Tap end of this equation more than once and it’s a pain like no other. Heck, I’ve been Artie Fufkin a couple times as well. Nothing will inspire an ulcer like the slow realization that nobody’s showing up to your event. It’s an exquisite humiliation worthy of the Hellraiser series.

1. Archie Hahn (Room service waiter)

Never has a man done so much with one line.

Okay, who/what have I missed?

New Music for Olds

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