NEW MUSIC FOR OLDS #28
Millennials and their retconned narratives, man...
Happy post-birthday…to me!
On April Fools Day I turned 50 years old, which I acknowledge is tediously on-the-nose. It was fine in the way that most birthdays are fine. I bring it up because…
Next week, to celebrate the onset of my sixth decade, my wife and I are headed to Iceland. I am very excited. Spenntur, even! Kambri and I shall spend eight days bathing in hot springs, trekking across strange terrain and hunting wild Bjorks.
What does this mean for you, esteemed NMFO reader? Basically, I’m going to try and schedule two more newsletters (next week’s Paid-Only #28A and NMFO #29) before I leave on Monday, but they’ll be shorter than usual. How short, you ask? Guess we’ll find out together!
In the meantime, let’s take a gander at today’s menu:
A not quite supergroup!
Pop punk, revived!
Putting the “wheeeee!” in ennui!
Assessing the revisionist Eighties, vis-a-vis The Breakfast Club!
We good? We all set? Let us begin.
GOOD STUFF
Now showing: A Glossary of Terms
Eyelids, “Crawling Off Your Pages”
Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music
Album: A Colossal Waste of Light
Nutshell: Power pop
Voltage: 5
Thoughts: This airtight tune was recommended by my pal Dave Holmes, whose brilliant podcast “Waiting for Impact” I wrote about back in NMFO #16A—paid subscribership has its benefits, folks! Dave and I both have an affinity for jangly, harmony-laden power pop, so he knew Eyelids would be right up my alley. This band of Portland vets includes members of Guided By Voices, The Decemberists and Quasi, to name but a few. Not sure if that qualifies as a “supergroup”, but they’re clearly a band of stone-cold pros. No wheels are being reinvented here, but this is power pop par excellence, and a perfectly executed wheel is its own reward.
Pairing Suggestion: Getting super into home brewing
Meet Me @ The Altar, “T.M.I.”
Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music
Album: Album // Present // Future
Nutshell: Pop punk
Voltage: 7
Thoughts: I’ve reached an age where music I once considered to be for dipshit teenyboppers has been around long enough to experience a full-fledged revival. And revivals of revivals. Even stranger, I often enjoy the new versions more than the now-ancient bands they’re reviving. Such is the case with Meet Me @ the Altar, who are bringing back the sound of Fallout Boy, Sum 41 and (gulp) Avril fucking Lavigne? Do I really like this silly Kidz Bop shit?? Yeah, I suppose I do! Despite its teen angst lyrics, “T.M.I.” feels like snorting a half dozen Pixy Stix. Quite frankly, I need a bit of that energy in my life.
Pairing Suggestion: Making too much noise at the food court
The Hold Steady, “Sixers”
Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music
Album: The Price of Progress
Nutshell: Literate bar rock
Voltage: 6
Thoughts: And now, to balance out all that youthful energy, a classic tale of substance abuse and tragicomic loneliness. I wondered whether to include this song in New Music for Olds, given that The Hold Steady is already the “new”1 artist most beloved of Americas olds. Honestly, my general interest in The Hold Steady had waned over the past decade, but "Sixers" has all the embittered wit and evocative detail that drew me to Craig Finn in the first place. I mean, come on: "A Nagel poster in a silver frame / She thought that seemed kind of lame / She wakes up late for work with the sniffles and a spiraling shame."
Pairing Suggestion: Giving up on home brewing
Addendum: I once visited a friend-of-a-friend’s apartment and the guy had a massive Nagel print on the wall. I must have made a weird face, because he immediately got defensive and said “Hey, it’s a limited edition.” Without thinking, I blurted “Not limited enough.”
He got quiet and I felt like a dick. But it’s a pretty funny line.
At last, a reckoning:
More. I need MORE!
SOME BULLSHIT
Back in my open mic days, I was lucky enough to fall in with a really great group of young comics. A bunch of us started an ongoing email CC list, where we’d bitch about bar gigs and writing packets and general comedy scuttlebutt. The group has remained reasonably intact for 25+ years, even though we’re now spread out around the country, with kids and families and varied careers. I mostly lurk from the shadows these days, showing up for in-person hangs but mostly staying out of the day to day conversation.
Within a recent thread, my friend Josh Comers asked me to comment on the accuracy of this meme.
At risk of sounding like whiniest of Gen X-ers, fuck this noise. Here’s my thumbed-out response, tweaked and re-posted here because I can’t allow discourse this brilliant go to waste:
I have major problems with this. Let's go one by one:
BENDER: Nope. This character is a dirtbag metalhead, even if John Hughes didn't have the courage to give him a mullet. Black Sabbath sure, but more like Judas Priest early Metallica. If John Bender WAS into punk (he wasn’t), it would be stuff like Suicidal Tendencies and Dead Kennedys. Maybe Minor Threat. The inclusion of Tubeway Army is hilarious. Millennials and their retconned narratives, man...
ANDREW: This kid has Night Ranger written all over him. Van Halen only makes sense if it’s Van Hagar, which didn’t exist yet. Journey/Bon Jovi? Fine. Def Leppard? Debatable. Rush: He only knows “Tom Sawyer”. Billy Idol: Likes yelling "GET LAID GET FUCKED" during "Mony Mony", but that’s about it.
ALLYSON: Fine, but she’s the easiest by far.
CLAIRE: Roxy Music? Oh fuck off. Go-Gos, Bangles and Spandau Ballet work, but the rest of the list should be straightforward Top 40 stuff like the Flashdance soundtrack.
BRIAN: Hall & Oates and the Cars, sure. Everything else, Nope City. Television??? This is making me so angry. I know we love projecting depth and retro cool onto nerds, but this kid is a fucking drip. Correct answers: Billy Joel, Huey Lewis and stuff he heard on Dr. Demento.
A couple of my other friends chimed in:
Adam Felber, one-fourth of the extremely fun Dad Band Land podcast, pointed out that this meme creator was following in John Hughes’ racially clueless footsteps by failing to include even one Black artist, as if Thriller and Purple Rain didn’t exist.
And Steve Rosenthal, editor of my most recent standup special Show Your Work (please watch it!), hypothesized that this particular meme-ist must be British. This makes some sense—Roxy Music is clearly coded as “posh” and…I guess I can imagine UK dweebs enjoying Haircut 100? Alas, my friends at google.com have informed me that @manicpixiememequeen is a 26yo SF State grad. With all due respect to royalty, this seems like exactly the type of person who would base their knowledge of the Eighties on curated Spotify playlists and 2013 Buzzfeed listicles.
Of course, it’s possible she simply slapped her @ on a some equally clueless Brit’s graphic. Either way, you’re not exactly covering yourself in glory, manicpixiememequeen.
Adam & Steve: I didn’t want to paste your responses without permission, but if you feel so inclined, paste them in the comments!
Oh and apropos of nothing, Josh once posted one of my all time favorite tweets.
I love this so much that I wonder if I already included it in a past NMFO. If so, chalk one up to early onset dementia. This is the kind of thing that happens once you turn 50.
That’s all for today. Please share this post and tell every person you’ve ever met to sign up, upgrade to a Paid membership, etc. Boy oh boy, do I suck at promotion!
See you on the other side (of Iceland).
Yes, we’re really stretching the concept of newness here…
Excellent tweet.
I feel very cool because I've met and done shows with two people mentioned in this edition!
One may scoff because of course they were Kip Addotta and Dr. Demento but I stand by my excitement!