NEW MUSIC FOR OLDS #45
As unsponsored as content gets
Good day to you all. I hope you truly Thanksgiving-ed it up last week. My Lil’ Butterball was tender and juicy, which sounds sexual, but is not1. Now we shall let go of the past and usher in December.
Wait, the onset of the holiday season and a new installment of NEW MUSIC FOR OLDS? That there is cause for celebration.
In today’s bountiful NMFO:
Dive bar jangle rock!
Patent leather pants for your brain!
Touching, both sexual and non!
A mildly hot take, abandoned almost immediately!
A new app with which to ruin your life!
And, shameful self promotion!
Let’s get cracking.
GOOD STUFF
Once again, a Glossary of Terms.
Courting, “Throw”
Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music
Album: New Last Name
Nutshell: Neo jangle rock
Voltage: 6
Thoughts: Your opinion of this song may depend on how much you enjoy The Strokes. If, like me, you’re a moderate fan (their catalogue is mostly failed attempts to recreate the magic of their debut, IMHO), you will find "Throw” to be a catchy, if ultimately disposable, dive bar tune. A “bop”, if you will. If you are a Strokes obsessive, you will either adore this song or be horrified that these Brits have desecrated that classic “Someday” groove with (gasp!) autotune. And to be clear, I’m not sure what Courting is going for with the autotune thing. The pitch corrections are too blatant to think they’re trying to sneak it by anyone, but I’m not sure what it adds, other than quirk for quirkiness’ sake. At the end of the day, who gives a shit? This little ditty will get your toes a-tapping.
Pairing Suggestion: Shooting pool on a Tuesday afternoon
HEALTH (feat. SIERRA), “Hateful”
Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music
Album: Rat Wars
Nutshell: Industrial
Voltage: 7
Thoughts: This song is like patent leather pants for your brain. I’ve been vaguely aware of HEALTH for a while, but I’ve been daunted—they churn out a lot of music. But everything I hear is better than the last, so I may need to invest some serious time one of these days. Same goes for French techno artist SIERRA, who helps out on this track. Pretty Hate Machine is an obvious influence, and the band isn’t trying to hide it. Honestly, I was surprised to learn that HEALTH is an actual band. I’d have assumed everything was programmed, but these guys “play”, in the traditional sense. With a slew of gizmos, sure, but it adds up to some damn fine “saucy walking” music. I issue this challenge: put “Hateful” on your headphones and try walking down the street for more than 90 seconds. I guarantee your gait will become a bit…saucy. Prove me wrong, I dare you.
Pairing Suggestion: Beating people up in the Matrix
Craig Wedren, “Fingers on Your Face”
Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music
Album: The Dream Dreaming
Nutshell: Lush indie pop
Voltage: 5
Thoughts: Craig Wedren is best known as the lead vocalist of the seminal DC avant-hardcore band Shudder to Think, but he’s put together a fantastic second act as a solo artist and composer for film and television. In recent years, Wedren has leaned further into spirituality in his solo work, scrapping the operatic vibrato and dissonance of Shudder to Think in favor of calming vibes and pastoral beauty. “Fingers on My Face” is about the restorative power of physical touch. Not just in a sexual context, which is obviously well and good, but a simple loving hand on your partner’s skin is sorely underrated. This doesn’t always come naturally to a closed off New Englander like me, who’s perhaps a bit too quick to mock things as ”touchy-feely”. But you know what we could all use more of? Touching and feeling.
Pairing Suggestion: Massaging your wife’s scalp until she falls asleep, even though your arm is cramping up
Time to prove your worth.
Also, please report on the results of your Saucy Walking challenge.
SOME BULLSHIT
Three pieces of bullshit for you this week, each bullshittier than the last!
THING #1: MAN-CHILD, INTERRUPTED
Earlier I implied that The Strokes’ debut album is their one truly landmark achievement, and that subsequent Strokes albums are varying degrees of pale imitation. That is my opinion and I stand by it. But I accept that The Narrative (SFX scary organ music) has begun to place Room on Fire on the same or perhaps even a slightly higher tier.
This is something that happens quite a bit, where “in the know” folks prefer a band’s slightly knottier sophomore release to the album that broke them wide. Two obvious examples are In Utero vis-a-vis Nevermind and Weezer’s “blue album” versus Pinkerton. The debate around those two albums has to do with studio polish and attitude, whereas with the Strokes, I simply think the songs are better.
Look, this isn’t really even about the Strokes—I was going to let this observation dovetail into an extended rant about how preferring In Utero and Pinkerton to their more radio-friendly predecessors is a sneaky form of Gen X self-denial (“I can’t like the popular thing!”). But midway through that sentence, I began to bore myself. Is this something you’d actually want to read about? If so, make yourself known.
That said, I cannot in good conscience move on without referencing this admirably niche SNL sketch.
THING #2: MUSIC LEAGUE
From time to time I’ve shared with you my endless variety of procrastination gambits. Well strap in, because I have a new one for you.
Music League is a competitive playlist game found in your app store of choice. You pick songs based on themes and then you vote on other people’s songs and, um, it’s fun and…fuck it, just watch the promo.
FYI, all that marketing speak the about forming bonds with your family and co-workers (no thank you!) is completely optional. I prefer joining open leagues and “competing” against total strangers. Then again, I’m a hall-of-fame party pooper, so make of that what you will. My point is, Music League is as personal or impersonal as you’d like it to be.
I should clarify that I’m not getting paid to say this. New Music for Olds is as unsponsored as content gets. I’d love to say this is because of journalistic ethics or some such mumbo-jumbo, but the truth is I’m just too dumb/old to figure out how that’s done. MAKE ME AN OFFER, MUSIC LEAGUE.
To prove that this is not SponCon, I’ll address what must be a burning question for anyone considering engaging with a musical dick-measuring app:
Hey Finny, does Music League include a bunch pedantic graybeards offering up trivia and biographical info you didn’t ask for and could easily google?
YOU BETCHA!
Honestly, it’s not as bad as it could be—comments on the app are easily ignored. I’ve rolled my eyes three, maybe four times tops. That said, thanks for that impassioned treatise on Stealer’s Wheel, RobBlevin78!
The user base seems to be growing rapidly, so new leagues start up constantly. Some move briskly over the course of a few days, while others play out over weeks. I’m currently ensconced in seven different leagues, which is clearly unsustainable. But fuck it—compared to how I usually waste time, making competitive playlists feels like volunteering for Greenpeace.
To wit, I just started a league called "Soundtracking”, where each round is an archetypal movie scene players are asked to score—i.e. “Car Chase”, “Training Montage” and “Oscar Bait Sex Scene”. Not to pat myself on the back, but it’s a notch above the standard cover song challenges and “90s Jamz” playlists, creativity wise. I expect those Music League sponsorship dollars to be rolling in any day now. They better be—Christmas is right around the corner!
So yeah, I’m having a good time with this goofy lil’ app. If you’re looking for a way to spend time on your phone that doesn’t involve doom-scrolling or pornography, you could do worse. There doesn’t yet seem to be a way to follow specific users, but I suspect that will change as the app matures. Look for me under “Fletcher Christian”.
NOTE: Music League is Spotify-based. You can still play if you don’t have an account, but you’ll probably only be able to hear 30 second song clips.
THING #3: COME SEE ME TELL JOKES
Did you know that I exist in real life and not just as a smarmy bi-weekly presence in your inbox? It’s true!
If you’re in or around southern Connecticut on Sat Dec 9, I’ll be headlining Edmond Hall in Newtown. Details, you ask? Oh I got yer details…RIGHT HERE.
And for you New York City folks: On Thu Dec 14, I’ll be running my new hour at QED Astoria. Please come! I’ve written jokes about you specifically! Tickets can be purchased aqui.
Apologies for the embarrassingly low-res photo. I’ve been waiting to get new headshots until I lose 30lbs, which means they should be ready by the 1st of Nevertober.
The newsletter, she is done. Please share NMFO with 300 of your favorite people.
Paid Subscribers, see you next week. The rest of youse, in a fortnight!
So far as you know