NEW MUSIC FOR OLDS #32
My forum for whimsy
Hey ho, friends. Happy unofficial-start-to-Summer. Having a great time this week, enjoying the company of friends and basking in sunshine.
In today’s edition of New Music for Olds, I bring you:
Sunday morning buoyancy
Guacamole as sonic descriptor
Dancefloor vibez
The world’s smallest violin, playing for me
Fake band names
Bad air guitar songs
Oh, while I have you….
OKAY, LET’S DO THIS!
(You know, if you feel like it. Not telling you what to do here. Live your life.)
GOOD STUFF
For your edification, a Glossary of Terms.
Prateek Kuhad, “Favorite Peeps”
Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music
Album: The Way That Lovers Do
Nutshell: Singer songwriter
Voltage: 4
Thoughts: This was of those “blind click” discoveries, found while scrolling through the poorly-defined Acoustic section of Apple Music. Prior to hitting play, I assumed this would have a South Asian vibe because, despite my Liberal attestations, I see a name like Prateek Kuhad and make assumptions. So I was surprised (and initially disappointed) that this Jaipur native could as easily be from Brooklyn or Portland or Duluth. But I was soon able to appreciate The Way That Lovers Do for what it is: a near-perfect Sunday Morning album. “Favorite Peeps”, in defiance of its rather dour lyrics, is buoyant and efficient pop, sprinkled with artful sonic flourishes. Oh, and for what it’s worth, I’ve since learned that Prateek Kuhad also releases music in Hindi. I am redeemed!
Pairing Suggestion: Easing into your day
This cup is full of Diet Mountain Dew The Dirty Nil, “Land of Clover”
Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music
Album: Free Rein to Passions
Nutshell: Alt rock
Voltage: 7
Thoughts: This Canadian power trio makes the kind of cheerful, melodic rock that made me (initially) fall in love with Weezer—stadium-ready riffs presented with the concision1 of punk. Like Weezer, there are loving nods to heavy metal here and there, but sunny anthems like “Land of Clover” are The Dirty' Nil’s bread and butter. Main dude Luke Bentham has the ideal voice for this kind of music, and his guitar tones are chunky like homemade guacamole. I do quibble with the decision to rhyme “mind” with “mine”, but you’ll be air-guitaring too hard to notice.
Pairing Suggestion: Triumphantly leaping off the drum riser in your mind. (You are too old to do this for real.)
Alison Goldfrapp, “Gatto Gelato”
Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music
Album: The Love Invention
Nutshell: Club music
Voltage: 5
Thoughts: Along with collaborator Will Gregory, Alison Goldfrapp is one half of the esteemed British electronic/trip hop duo Goldfrapp (although if it’s truly a 50-50 partnership, you think they’d be called Gregfrapp). Even though her main gig has been putting out amazing music for 20+ years, The Love Invention is Alison’s first “solo” project. It’s a casual affair, trading Goldfrapp’s spooky and song-based approach for pure dancefloor vibez. Forced to choose, I’ll always go for spooky and song-based, but slinky grooves like “Gatto Gelato” have their own hypnotic appeal.
Pairing Suggestion: Gyrating at some sweaty European club, strangely unbothered by John Wick shooting up the place
We report. You decide.
Speak. SPEAK, I TELL YOU!
SOME BULLSHIT
I set aside today to write something specific for today’s NMFO. Nothing “heavy”, but a topic I’d been eager to dig into for a few months now. Kambri is out of town and my standup gig got cancelled, so I had all afternoon and evening to work on it. The world was to be my oyster!
Here’s how I actually spent this beautiful day:
Sitting down at approximately 1:15pm, bristling with creative energy
Staring at my laptop screen
Writing a few sentences
Deleting those sentences
More staring
Wondering if I should find a place to work outside?
Deciding I’ll get nothing done if I work outside
Almost immediately reinstalling a paralysis-inducing iPhone game I managed to quit playing years ago
After (much) more than an hour, shouting “Finnegan, fucking stop it!”
Refocusing
Wringing out three paragraphs before thinking “Man, this would be better if if I had access to some old photos that I think are upstate…”
Questioning if this topic is even worth writing about
Questioning if anyone gives a shit about NMFO, or anything I’ve ever done, or…
Oh fuck, I’m back on my phone. WHY AM I MAKING IN-GAME PURCHASES???
Noticing that it’s now 2:42am
I’m prone to anti-creative spiraling. I’m sure I’m not alone. But it’s especially frustrating when it comes to NMFO, a project I swore I’d never beat myself up about. This is my forum for whimsy, dammit!
It’s fine. I forgive me. Just one of those days where you bully yourself into not doing the things you know would make you feel better. Thankfully, I’d already written GOOD STUFF over the weekend and those songs are great, so NMFO #32 isn’t a complete wash, is it? IS IT??
(Don’t answer. That’s rhetorical.)
Anyway, I’m going to temporarily shelve the piece I’ve been working on. SPOILER ALERT: It’s about my choir. (Have I ever mentioned that I’m in a choir? Cat’s out of the bag: I’m in a choir.)
Instead, I will briefly engage in the laziest form of comedy writing: LISTS!
DUMB LIST #1: THE WORLD'S WORST AIR GUITAR SONGS
"Unforgettable" by Nat King Cole
"The Neutron Dance" by The Pointer Sisters
"All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor
"Kiss a Little Longer" (Big Red Chewing Gum theme song)
"Oklahoma!" (from the musical Oklahoma!)
"Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday" by Boyz II Men
“Do the Bartman” by Bart Simpson
“Brick” by Ben Folds Five
"Fair Phyllis I Saw Sitting All Alone" (Traditional)
"Short Dick Man" by 20 Fingers feat. Gillette
TEN NOT-GOOD NAMES FOR HEAVY METAL BANDS (that I just made up)
Pudcrusher
Wyx ‘n Styx
Psyiatica
Tongue Depressor
Angelshart
Eternal Darnation
Martyr Sauce
Mean Guy and the Facepunchers
The Devil’s Diaper
Your Mom Called
NOTE: The best one I came up with, Cthulhulemon, already exists!
Don’t even pretend you don’t have a few fake metal band names of your own. Let’s hear ‘em.
Alright, I’m calling it. Time of death: Wednesday, May 31, 12:49pm. I’ll see you in two weeks, hopefully with a reconstituted joie de vivre. By the way, I’d identify the iphone game that has ruined my last 24 hours, but I love you too much.
Thanks for indulging my “whimsy”!
Conciseness? Neither looks right, honestly.
Pustard.
I am also that tubby dude.