NEW MUSIC FOR OLDS #75
Mama always said, life's like a digital purgatory
Hello and welcome back to NMFO, your source for cool new music and context-free “L.A. Law” screenshots.
In today’s installment:
In defense of dentist office music
The pitfalls of contrarianism
And early pick for the Headphones Album of 2025
Wise thoughts on the jacking of multiple trades
And, the “Secret Wars” of third-tier celebrity
Let it be!
GOOD STUFF
Whoa looky here, it’s a Glossary of Terms!
Rumer (feat. Redtenbacher’s Funkestra), “Slow”
Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music
Album: In Session
Nutshell: Easy Listening
Voltage: 3
Thoughts: If you read the word “funkestra” and got super amped, I apologize for what must be an intense feeling of reverse whiplash. No slap bass or booty shorts to be found here—British chanteuse Rumer is about as funky as a melatonin gummy. Think Karen Carpenter, but singing Carole King. Or how about Dusty in Memphis, but instead of Dusty Springfield it’s Anne Murray? That do anything for you, you little freak?? Clearly, I’m feeling defensive. In my firebrand youth, I’d have mocked this as “dentist office music”. But for reasons macro and micro, I kinda need energy this right now. Given that we’re in the throes of a national abscess, a bit of dentist office music feels just about right.
Pairing Suggestion: Going to your Happy Place, applying for permanent residence
Freckle, “Paranoid”
Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music
Album: Freckle
Nutshell: DIY classic rock
Voltage: 6
Thoughts: I’ve maintained a longstanding disinterest in prolific and cultish garage rocker Ty Segall. I was mystified by the critical fawning that used to greet his cavalcade of side-projects, no matter how grating or slapdash. I’m not going to say disliking Ty Segall was foundational to my sense of self, but let’s just say I thought I knew where I stood on that dude. So imagine my shock and embarrassment when I googled this groovy new psyche rock act called Freckle, only to discover…well, you can see where this is going. Some of the credit surely goes to Segall’s collaborator Corey Madden, whose band Color Green seems pretty cool. But mostly, it’s another case of me allowing my lazy contrarianism to cosplay as principled opinion. Note to self: don’t be a smug dingus who misses out on good shit.
Pairing Suggestion: Reexamining your priors
Benjamin Booker, “SLOW DANCE IN A GAY BAR”
Listen on Apple Music // Listen on Amazon Music
Album: LOWER
Nutshell: Alt R&B
Voltage: 4
Thoughts: I remember Benjamin Booker getting lots of hype ten or so years ago, but that “roots rock” vibe has been ruined for me by one too many beer commercials. Maybe Booker felt the same way because, for his first collection in seven years, he’s radically altered his sound and expanded his artistic vision. LOWER is difficult album to sum up, given that it incorporates so many disparate ideas and styles. There are still elements of traditional blues and tent revivalism, but ground up into a sausage with droning guitar, boom-bap drums and unsettling synth textures. “SLOW DANCE IN A GAY BAR” is the quietest track on the album, evoking the disarming intimacy of Frank Ocean’s Blonde. It’s also a production masterpiece. I love woozy feeling inspired by the sample constantly dragging behind the tempo. It’s only February, but this is my early pick for Headphones Album of 2025.
Pairing Suggestion: Pillow talk
I will cede to your better judgment.
Is there anything you’d like to say to me? HMMM?
SOME BULLSHIT
A couple of things I’ve been enjoying this week.
First, I got a lot out of this video editorial by Joshua Heath Scott, insipred by the recent passing of David Lynch. Scott designs guitar effects pedals for a living and also appears to be a rather fine photographer. But he also seems to have carved himself some YouTube space as a middlebrow muse, philosophizing about the making of art, a la Julia Cameron or Austin Kleon.
Years of rigorous self-obsession have revealed to me that I’d rather muse about the artisitic process than actually make art, so Scott’s videos fit squarely in my procrastination wheelhouse. I found this one especially thought-provoking. So often I find myself daydreaming about an artistic endeavor that doesn’t fit squarely into my chosen field—that is, comedy. If I was still doing 10-15 standup sets a week, I’d pour all of my energies into crafting the “new hour”. And to be clear, that’s still my primary outlet. But Finny ain’t getting booked quite like he used to, which means my mind often wanders to screenplays I’ll never write, songs about my dogs, elaborate doodles on the back of envelopes, etc. I think I’d like to spend the balance of 2025 leaning into these impulses. Who says creativity needs to be for something?
Secondly, a blast from our viral past. Earlier this week, some kind soul re-posted the infamous “Gylne Tider” video and it once again filled my heart with joy.
In case you missed it or simply blocked it out: Back in 2010, a Norwegian television show superimposed a batch of the world’s most random-ass celebrities onto a digital beach to perform and extended (and even more extended) rendition “Let it Be”.
No additional explanation is necessary.
If you’re wondering why Glenn Close and Kathleen Turner agreed to appear alongside Boyzone and Tonya Harding, you can some background info here or here. But if you guessed “outright fraud”, you’re on the right track!
My plan for today’s newsletter was to fully annotate this video, but Buzzfeed already did this back in 2023. And quite well, if I may say so!
Instead, I will simply sort (most of) the performers into three categories, based on their apparent enthusiasm for this project:
GROUP ONE: Thrilled to be here!
Jason Alexander (My man’s little dance moves at 3:58 give me intense douchechills.)
Stop it Ricki Lake - A moment, seized
Josie Bissett - We’ve all just memory-holed “Melrose Place”, haven’t we?
Alberto Tomba - More than just an Olympic skier you forgot about!
Paul McKenna - This UK hypnotist’s “singing” at the 1:01 mark is worth savoring.
Phillip Michael Thomas & Steve Gutenberg - Always giving 100%, these two.
Katarina Witt - Who knew that she shreds?
Tonya Harding - Probably this video’s first truly WTF moment
Alfonso Ribeiro - Back when I was on “Are We There Yet?”, Alfonso Ribeiro directed a bunch of episodes. I will refrain from talking shit, but it doesn’t shock me that he totally threw his back into this.
To be this free of embarrassment! Dolph Lundgren - The people’s He-Man
Malcolm Jamal Warner - “That’s all? You sure, guys? Because I can keep singing!”
Sherilyn Fenn - First in my heart, always.
Sheryl Lee - Second or third in my heart, often.
Dee Snider - How were they able to book the notoriously press-avoidant Dee Snider??
Rednex -You enjoy “Cotton Eyed Joe”. I prefer the deep cuts. We are not the same.
The Kid Who Played Young Forrest Gump
Mama always said, life’s like a digital purgatory
GROUP TWO: Uncomfortable, but conflict avoidant
Huey Lewis - Why does he look like David Faustino?
Corbin Bernson - Who knew Corbin was an alto!
George Wendt - George should have gonedt.
Glenn Close - Seen here moments before firing her agent.
David Faustino - Yo Faustino, Huey is stealing your look.
Jamie Walters - Still not sure how to talk to an angel.
Larry Drake, aka Benny from “L.A. Law” - To be fair, not even close to Larry’s most notable onscreen moment.
Judd Nelson - Still wearing his New Jack City get up
Kelly McGillis - Doing her best Shy Ronnie.
Robert Englund - If you fall asleep while watching this video, you get murdered on a beach by the cast of L.A. Law
Fab Morvan - [lip-sync joke]
Right Said Fred - Blame vaccines!
Lou Ferrigno
GROUP THREE: Fuck you, make me.
Roger Moore - “Distance. Ironic distance.”
Pamela Anderson, Leslie Nielsen and Mickey Rourke - Dream blunt rotation
Peter Falk - I’ll give a nice wave, how’s that?
Kathleen Turner
Your own favorite moments?
Substack is once again informing me that this post is now “too long for email”, so we will bring NMFO #75 to a close.
As always, I thank you for reading. Take care of yourself and others!
I have to say you were really bang on with the Karen Carpenter-Carole King/Dusty Springfield-Anne Murray reference!
Thanks for the glossary of terms. I first thought I was reading Swahili but now I feel both enlightened, worldly and 2% smarter. Also, I'm going to see Ty Segall play live in two weeks, do you have any requests you'd like me to shout out from the balcony?